A long time ago, I wrote about the 80:20 rule. This was one of my earliest posts and interestingly has been the most shared post of this blog to date. To refresh your memory, the 80:20 rule states that you get 80% of what you like / want / need  from your spouse in your relationship, but there is 20% that you don’t get and most likely will never get. For some people, the figures could be 90:10 or even 75:25 — it doesn’t really matter. The point is that you do get most of what you want and need from your spouse.

What can happen overtime though, is that we forget about that 80% we get from our spouse. Or, instead of being grateful for that 80%, we focus on the 20% we don’t get. Many things too can trigger us to fixate on that 20%. For instance, we tend to focus on the 20% when things are challenging and overwhelming in our lives, when we have a difference of opinion on an important issue with our spouse, when our spouse doesn’t act in a way we may like or meet our expectations, and of course, when we are in conflict with our spouse.

But when we fixate on that 20% — the flaws or the inadequacies in our spouse — we miss the 80%. We fail to notice the good stuff because we are so focused on the bad stuff only. Focus is key!

Today, my husband and I came across a really good question when reading one of  the marriage books I have in my collection. The answer(s) to this question even put a fond smile on both of our faces. It reminded me of  qualities I had totally forgotten my husband possessed and that drew me to him. It also reminded me of characteristics I possess that my husband admires and that drew him to me.

If you are struggling to notice that 80% in your spouse, or have forgotten completely what it even is, then let me ask you this same question:

Why did you marry _______ (insert your spouse’s name here)?

Think of 3 things that really made you want to marry your spouse. Share your answers with your spouse. Ask them the same question too. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. 

by Celes on Mar 13, 2013 | ShareThis  Email This Post

1. When he/she loves you for who you are. NOT who he/she wants you to be.
2. When he/she respects you as an individual. He/she lets you grow as yourself, into your own, and does not impose his/her expectations on you.
3. When you smile just by thinking of him/her. (And you can’t help but think about him/her too, sometimes.  )
4. When you can’t wait to see him/her again.
5. When you will do whatever it takes just to be with him/her.
6. When he/she will do whatever it takes just to be with you too. 
7. When he/she inspires you to be more than who you are.
8. When both of you bring out the best in each other. He/she inspires positive emotions in you, such as happiness, inspiration, contentment, and hopefulness, rather than negative emotions such as unhappiness, apprehension, doubt, fear, or anger.
9. When he/she makes you feel good about yourself. He/she does not put you down whether directly or indirectly; neither does he/she induce self-doubt in you.
10. When you can simply be yourself around him/her, without ever trying to be like someone else or behave in a certain way that’s not you at all. You are able to shine in your own light without having to dumb or dial yourself down, as he/she does too when both of you are around each other.

Does your current crush or significant other measure up against those ten signs above? This is definitely one list to cross-check your romantic partners with now or in the future, if you are ever unsure whether he/she is the one. 🙂

For the counter version of this list, check out Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship.

For those interested in finding love, the following articles are good places to start:

• Finding Love: 8 Tips on Attracting Authentic Love Into Your Life
• Are You Treating Dating as a “Game”?
• 5 Myths of Love and Dating, Debunked